Good thoughts

Yes, it will all take some time. Will there be a visiting nurse?

I'm not sure about a nurse, but Irene (PT) was going to put in a recommendation for Extramural to check on her once in a while. I might ask that question at the meeting on Tuesday. Thanks for the thought!

Well, mum's weekend home is almost at an end. I think she did rather well and got lots of help from my dad. I spent most of yesterday over there in case she needed anything, but really didn't do much. Helped her in the bathroom, that's about it. She enjoyed her fish and chips on Friday night and her steak and baked potato last night. She wants to be back at the hospital in time for supper today. I have to be back at their place by 1 to help her find something to wear back. She doesn't feel like she's ready to come home for good on Thursday, but everyone else says she is. We'll find out for sure on Tuesday at the big meeting.

Glad the weekend went well. It is to be expected that she would be anxious about going home for good. But the successful weekend should boost her confidence.

Well, it's official, Mum's going home tomorrow! Had a great meeting yesterday with her PT, OT, Social Services and the neurologist. She is going to be on a couple of new med because of the stroke. It has been determined by the OT and Pt that she is a fall risk and should not be left alone. Not a problem. Dad will be there with her and I can go over a few times a week. Mum asked what the chance of being 100% normal again and the neurologist said that was slim.

There's a lot she can do for herself and a lot she shouldn't do. Her attention span has been greatly diminished. My biggest fear is that my brother is going to push her to do things that she doesn't want to do. I know he means well, but he can't push her. She is going to have Extra Mural PT's come in and help with her balance, which is still a little wonky. She's fine as long as she concentrates, but as soon as something interrupts that, she forgets what she's supposed to be doing.

But, at least she is going home!!!!!

I am pleased for that - as long as she is. ,Please kepp us posted of her progress.

I personally think she's depressed. She's complaining about not being able to do anything the way she used to. All she needs to do is find a new way of doing things. I think a big part of her problem is my brother. She's afraid he's going to start nagging her to do things. I was there for a few hours yesterday and so was he, but he didn't do anything. She called him lazy.

Steven and I have a doctor's app't on Monday, so I think I'll talk to him. We all have the same dr. Mum sees him on Wednesday. I'll see if he can persuade her to join a support group. My sister and I are interested in going to one, too.

I keep telling her it's going to take time for her to get used to doing things differently, but she doesn't believe me. As I was leaving I asked her if she wanted anything and she said a new brain. How do you answer that? I'm afraid she's just going to give up.

I don't know but I would think being home and trying to do things that maybe were done for me while in the hospital would be frightening, especially at first.

I like your idea of talking to the doctor when you & Steven go in for an appt Monday - he needs to know what is going on and also hopefully he will have some ideas for you.

I'm a big bug on family research - I can't remember if you have done yours or not. Maybe get Mom interested in dictating into a machine stories about her and her family when she was a girl and on up to present day. I forgot if she can write or not - if she can maybe she can jot down short notes.

Does sound like she may be depressed - besides a support group do you think a counselor would be a good idea?

Thinking of all of you!

She can write, but sometimes her writing is messy and hard to read. Her memory is awesome for certain things and not so good for others. When I was there Friday, I got her to play Gin Rummy, but she couldn't remember how to, so we stopped. My sister was supposed to go over yesterday, so I asked her to call me when she got home. Of course, she didn't call.

Mum doesn't like mechanical things so I don't know if we could get her to record anything.

I'm going over today, so I'll see how she is. I'll still talk to the dr. tomorrow. I like the idea of a counselor, too, Melinda. Thanks for the suggestion.

It would be so easy to get depressed in her situation. Losing any ability is a hard thing to get used to and accept. It's easy to get frustrated. Hopefully, she will get some occupational therapy and learn alternative ways to accomplish things.

Strokes are weird...they take some abilities and leave others. My father in law had a stroke years ago and after rehab, only his speech was affected. He had aphasia. He knew what he wanted to say, but it would come out all wrong. He'd say things like "do the dog for him" and get frustrated that no one could decipher his words. He called all women Sherry and all men were Gene. He was able to drive and work at a fast food restaurant wiping tables, so he was still productive and that helped. Your Mom just has to find something that she is able to do that will be a new hobby. It's important to feel useful and capable to some extent. She'll get there.

She's been told no driving, which isn't a big deal anyway as she doesn't. She drove a car into a rock pile many years ago when she was trying to learn.

Her mood seemed better today when I was there. She didn't have me do too much for her. I'm still going to talk to the dr. tomorrow.

Both she and my dad want me there on Tuesday when someone, dad's not sure who it is, comes to do an assessment. They are supposed to have Extra Mural and Social Services go and see how much, if any, help she's going to need. Then on Wednesday, she sees the dr. She wants me there for that too.

I'd be depressed too, if I had to give up something I liked to do. Don't blame her there, that's for sure! I just hate to see her this way!

You are a great daughter Cindy! Hugs to you!

It would be very hard to not be able to do easily what you have done in the past. If I had to give up my family research and "talking" to my new-found distant cousins via email about our research I'd be depressed.

All things take time and I hope she will find something to fill the void.

Yes, sounds like a good idea you are with them Tuesday and Wednesday.

Depression following a stoke is quite a common finding which I am not saying to minimize the importance of it, justs because it is common doesn't mean super important!. I am sharing this to you to say what a wonderful job you are doing and encourage you for noting your moms emotional and psychological feelings, you are a great daughter! Because of the high prevalence really medical people should be monitoring for it. Your plan to discuss with the dr is fabulous as he can be aware to assess and if she needs assistance and treatment for it, and even if not yet further down the road they are also flagged to keep a closer eye on it! You are a great daughter! Hope he is receptive to you and hope your mom is just readjusting to the new life!

I have a article at my work talking about the impact of stroke on mood and one on the experience of being a caregiver post stroke as in your case, I will send tomorrow to you in case of interest. A lot of stress for you and your whole family, sorry for all you are all going through!

Lisa

Thanks, girls! We received a really good book on strokes when she first went in to the hospital and I actually brought one home with me to re-read. I also picked up a second book from the re-hab floor about life after a stroke. Haven't read that one yet.

As I helped my dad give mum her first shower, he almost fell into the tub. I had visions of having to call 911 because he broke his hip or something! Then we would all be up the creek without a paddle!

After my brother leaves, Steven and I are going to talk to my parents about getting a place together. That way, if something happens to one, the other will be looked after.

*Sigh*. I am taking today off but will call them later. I need a break! :lol:

Just keep remembering you can't take care of them if you don't take care of yourself. Sounds like your mom is progressing well.

I'm sure you do need a break! It's hard when parents need help.

I just found out yesterday that my Mom shouldn't be driving any more. She is 75 and still has to work full time to survive financially. I got in the car with her to show her where a doctors office was. It's a 10 minute drive, and she went through quite a few stop signs, drove on the wrong side of the road, drove the wrong way on a one way street (after I told her which way to go), and drove way too fast. I came home and cried because I don't know what to do with her. I have no idea how to help her. I knew this was coming, but didn't know it was this bad. I can't move her in with me because I have two dogs and she has two cats. One of her cats is diabetic and urinates all over the place. She'd never give them up. She seems to still be there mentally, but her driving is horrible. She complains about having to work all the time, and I feel so guilty. In some ways, she is actually doing better than me. But I do agree that working at her age would really be hard.

I really feel for you, Cindy. It's hard when you are the only one that is around to help. I have two sisters, but they are both useless.

Cindy,

Glad you are taking the day off! It has been hard on you but you sure have done a great job with your mom. Like other people said it might be helpful for her to see a counselor or go to a support group.

Hopefully as she gets more comfortable about being home she will start to do more around the house and see that she is still an able person.



Sandi, that is very hard to deal with. Do you have any public transportation in the area? If you do she could be eligible for "the ride" or whatever they call it in your area.

My dad shouldn't be driving anymore either! But, since we don't live close enough, I can't be there to drive them. Maybe if we all get a place, it will be different. I don't drive in the winter, tho.

Sandi, your mom sounds a lot like my dad. He doesn't see red lights or stop signs. Steven doesn't even like driving with him. I guess it's just hard seeing our parents getting older!

We had such a nice day today. Went for a nice long drive after visiting Steven's sister. Just got home about an hour ago. Back to the parents place tomorrow and Wednesday.

It's so nice to be able to come here and express my concerns. Thanks for being here!

That is such a lot on all of your plates!

Sandi I can relate to how upsetting that is and it is so hard! Can't imagine your Mom having the independance to drive and yet knowing she can't safely. Thinking of you in a rough patch and to all of you with aging parents...well, k guess all of our parents are aging but you all know what I mean!

Just need to throw this out there. Please do not take offense.


Understanding that a person needs to drive to work and taking a licence away is very hard. If the person driving is a danger to others than you must for their benefit and yours take their ability to drive away.

This means: Removing keys, Removing the car, look for alternatives like public transportation.

the cost of insurance a month or the cost of a bus pass.


I know it is hard we struggled with this one. But it is for their own good. The front of my mom's car and back had all these little dents in the bumper. Turns out due to her eye site going she would stop when she hit the barrier when parking. Sometimes it would be other cars.

We have been there with both mothers.... It is tough. My thoughts are with you...

Jeffrey

I know I have to put a stop to the driving but first I need to find a way for her to afford to quit her job. I can't just take her keys and leave her stuck with no financial means. I'm working on it. Public transportation is a problem in this area....sort of rural where my Mom lives.

Sounds like things might be coming together for you, Cindy. At least you have a plan!

So, Mum had her first doctor check up since being out of the hospital (a week tomorrow, hard to believe!). He says she is coming along very well. He wants her to walk the hallway 2x's a day, as far as the elevator and back. I hope my dad and brother leave her alone and not push her to do more. The doc said not to worry about the stairs right now, she can work on them later. I'm glad as the steps are concrete and I'd hate to hear that she fell and broke something on them. She didn't tell him about the tension at home and I told her she should have. They both go to see him in 4 weeks. Hopefully things will have improved a lot by then.

I didn't get to go into the exam room with her, so I didn't get to ask my questions. When Steven and I were there yesterday, I mentioned finding a support group, and she didn't say no. That's a good sign.

My dad thinks that between him and my sister and I, we can look after mum. There was a man from Social Services over to see them yesterday, and he is going to get one of the home care companies to call my parents and make arrangements for someone to go in and help her with some things. But now Dad is having second thoughts. I hope he changes his mind back again! If he decides not to go that route, my sister is going to have to step up and do more. I can't be there 7 days/week. I'll be there as often as I can, tho. Personally, I think both of my parents need help!

Just a bit of an update on mum. She's been home 4 weeks tomorrow and not doing too bad. The biggest thing I see is, she needs to walk more. She'll walk to the elevator with me, but no one else. Unfortunately because she's not walking, she fell Monday going in to the doctor's office. She had to get 10 stitches, but I think it should have been more. I now have to go over daily to change the dressing on her leg. I don't mind doing this. She still needs help getting dressed and bathed, which she does most of herself. So now she has to keep her leg elevated. The stitches will stay in for at least 10 days and the dr. will look at it on the 27.

We go to the clinic where I went for my blood work on Friday and the girls will check and make sure no infection is setting in. Her spirits seem to be in pretty good shape. I just hope this bump in the road doesn't set her back to much!

Glad she is okay and the fall was not too bad. Does she get any PT at home? It is alot for you to deal with if you are the only one she will walk for.

Hope your dad decided that the Home Care company would be okay.

Hi Dru. We're still waiting for Extra Mural to come in and help with that. Steven had blood work yesterday, so while he did that, I went to the PT dept and talked with the girls who worked with mum while she was in the hospital. Irene said she would call them and see if they'll make her a priority now that she's had a fall. Got our fingers crossed. As for the home care, dad has crunched the numbers and really can't afford it. The Government will pay for most of it. So far we're not doing too bad with just the family looking after her.

Other than the fall, sounds like she is progressing well. Hopefully PT will help even more.

Sandi, yeah she's coming along pretty good. I'm just afraid the fall is going to make her not want to walk. She's been afraid of falling since she's been home. We go to the hospital tomorrow for a check up.

Glad to hear things are progressing nicely!

Jeffrey

Most often falls will cause a set back. Just keep reminding her that the stronger she gets the less chance of a fall. Most importantly acknowledge the fear of falling.


We had a lady at work who fell broke a hip came back from hospital and was working hard to do things for herself. Suddenly she stopped we discussed it figured maybe it was due to her having a near miss on her own. So we told staff to yes answer her calls and be there for her but do not do the work. Keep reminding her of how well she was doing and that she could do it on her own. But most importantly let her know we were they if she needed or felt she needed help. After a bit time she is now back to very few calls for assistance with toileting just calls for help with dressing. Which she may need for a while.